Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
