I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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