I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
