I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
