? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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