it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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