i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize