Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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