youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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