I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
