i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize