Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
