Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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