happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
