Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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