dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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