YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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