you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
