somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize