i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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