i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
