Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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