Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
