I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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