i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
