he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
