Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
