Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I look better un-naked...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
