You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All the doctor said was why
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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