PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
