So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
