He is an equal opportunity slut.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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