Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
