Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
