some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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