Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
organizing the empties. That sober.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
