I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
