I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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