it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
