We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
