New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
