Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
