Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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