Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
