i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
