why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
