Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
