so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
