ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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