I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
