WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think im in europe. pls send help
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
