An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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