I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
