Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
