my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
