yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
