SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
