It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up under a house in Key West
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
