using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize