OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
