i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
