His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize