I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
