I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
