My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
