I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
