He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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