Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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