I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
