Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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