Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
