bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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