I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
