Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
