It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
