Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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