She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
