I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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