I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
