I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
