Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you traded sex for a burrito?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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