There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
