escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
