I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
