i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
