When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
