That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
