there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
