Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
