even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
