the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish they made helmets for livers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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