my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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