how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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