remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
