If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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