my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
