I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
