It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
