I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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