Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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