just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
