Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
