You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
