I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
