don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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