She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
