so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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