just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're like the curious george of whores
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
