I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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